Learning to Live (one day at a time)1
by Spot's July
Summary: The diary of July, somewhat cliched theme, but hey it works, Gimme feedback I still don't know if i like it lol


"Never again" I screeched slamming the door to the lodging house and  
storming into the room. "Another fight with Spot?" my best friend Patch  
asked me. "Not that you need to answer that since we all could hear you  
two screaming at each other from in here" Clink said. I scowled at them,  
"he's a jerk, I don't know what I ever saw in him." The majority of the  
room rolled their eyes. "In other news" Copper started "your not the only  
one having troubles in paradise" she indicated upstairs. I stopped my  
ranting long enough to hear faint yelling from upstairs. It sounded like  
Shasta and Jack. "Yeah well relationships are highly over rated anyway"  
I said bitterly kicking the counter where Kloppman usually stood. "They  
never work out, why every one thinks they're so great is beyond me." I  
continued. I turned around looking for some support, but found half the  
people in the room making out and the other half trying to discreetly  
leave. Patch looked up from her embrace with Kid Blink "Maybe your  
relationships don't work out, but some people's do" she said with a  
gooey look to Blink. I stifled a scream, and went upstairs into the room  
where us girls stay, I had been right, it was Jack and Shasta fighting, not  
caring that I was interrupting I threw myself on my bed pouting. "Do  
you mind?" Jack asked "we're trying to fight here" "Not at all" I said  
rolling over and staring at them "please, feel free to continue" Shasta  
gave me a death look as Jack dragged her out of the room, yelling the  
entire way.  
  
"July wake up" someone hissed quietly. I opened my eyes, a form taking  
shape next to me. "Jack is that you?" I asked, not waiting for an answer  
I looked outside "It's not even light out yet what the hell is your  
problem?" He looked at me "Get dressed, I wanna talk ta ya, go out onta  
the roof" I stared at him stupidly but before I could respond he was  
halfway across the room, quickly picking his way through the mess we  
had left. I sat up wondering what Jack could possibly want to talk to me  
about. It wasn't the first time I had been awakened in the middle of the  
night, hell spot's goons were always coming in and telling me to meet  
spot at the bridge for night long make out sessions or poker games, or  
some nights, both. I jumped silently off the top bunk landing on a pile of  
clothes, I rooted through them and pulled out a wrinkled blue dress,  
probably Patch's who slept under me, definitely not Jewel's, who was  
sound asleep to the left of me. All her clothes were folded or hung up  
neatly. I quickly wove my way through the mess with ease, since I had in  
part created it I knew what was where. I got changed, and brushed my  
hair not caring much about how I looked. Trying to wake myself up I  
splashed some cold water on my face and crept out the window.  
  
Jack was there already, having had the head start. He was staring off in  
the distance. I cleared my throat rather loudly, he came out of his daze  
and turned towards me. "What is it Kelly?" I asked "Listen, I know it's  
late" he started, yeah well no kidding, I figured it had to be no later then  
1 in the morning "But I had to talk to youalone" I eyed him "what  
about?" he looked at me in a way he hadn't in a long time, this intense  
gaze, that forced me to look back at him. "I can't stop thinking about  
last year." I tore my gaze away. "What are you trying to say Jack?" he  
continued to stare at me and came closer "you know Shasta and I are  
having problems, and I heard you say you were never gonna go out wit  
spot again" I looked at him again "yeah and?" "I was wonderin if you  
still cared about me-like you used to, cause I wanna get back wit you." I  
bit my lip so hard it started to bleed and almost choked on my tounge.   
"Jack are you serious? We went out a year ago, you cheated on me  
remember why would I be stupid enough to set myself up for that again.  
Besides." He wasn't listening to my futile arguing. "Think about it" he  
said kissing me softly, and leaving the roof.   
  
I stood there, brushing my fingers over my lips, they tingled just like they  
used to. Finally regaining some control of myself I re-entered the  
bunkroom, all the girls still sound asleep. Knowing I wouldn't be able to  
fall asleep anytime soon, I took out my journal and slipped off my boots,  
bear foot I padded back up to the roof and sat down. Twirling my blonde  
hair absent-mindedly I picked up the book from my lap, my still  
trembeling fingers dropping it. I looked down, it had opened to the first  
page, against my will I started to read.  
  
August 4, 1898  
  
Today's mine and Derek's fourteenth birthday, We had a good time and  
got some great stuff from everyone who came to our party. Mother says  
that we're two of the most spoiled children and that it's all Father's fault,  
but she never does anything to stop him.   
The party was held late tonight but the fun started when we first woke  
up.  
  
"Miss Ashli..Miss Ashli do wake up." Greta, my maid begged me, giving  
me a light shove. I stubbornly rolled over ignoring her. "Miss Ashli if you  
don't get up right now I'm going to make sure you can't attend that  
party, that's what I'm gonna do." I opened my eyes, realization dawning  
on me "It's my birthday" I screamed happily jumping up on the platform  
bed clad in my white silk nightgown. "Forgetting about me already are  
you?" Derek asked walking into my room already dressed and ready for  
breakfast. "Never" I said with a grin, untangling my feet from the masses  
of twisted sheets, I jumped on him giving him a hug. Greta laughed and  
pulled me off Derek "Go get dressed dear" she said shooing Derek from  
the room. I hurridly pulled on the forest green dress as Greta entered the  
dressing room and began to button up the back. I studied her reflection  
in the mirror in front of me, brown hair going gray in some spots, up in a  
bun already falling out, a cute face with wrinkles around her green  
shining eyes. I compared her to my own, long blonde hair and aqua  
eyes. I was still short at 14, 5'0 exactly while already Derek was 5'6.   
"How old are you?" I asked Greta after examining us both in the mirror.   
"Never mind that" she said playfully swatting me with the hairbrush she  
had used to put my hair Into the french braid it was now in. I smiled at  
her, and ran out of the room, skidding to a stop when I reached the  
stairs. Derek was waiting for me as I hopped onto the banister and slid  
down knocking us both to the floor when I reached the end and went  
flying off.  
  
We walked into the We walked into the dining room together, mother and father were  
already seated and ready to be served. Father was reading the paper  
when we arrived, something he does every morning. Daddy's the Mayor  
of Bridgewater which is where we live, Mother stays home with Derek  
and me, when she can but she's always running off to her women's club  
meetings and social events with Father. They looked up when we came  
in "Happy birthday darlings" mother said enfulging us in a hug, she was  
the sweetest lady "a real catch for that wild Cosimano" I heard one man  
describe her. Derek and I got our looks from her. Even at 40 she was as  
stunning and beautiful as she had been in the photographs from their  
wedding.   
Derek and I sat down as Jorge our butler came out with two plates of  
steaming French toast and bacon setting them down in front of us. We  
finished quickly and were sent off to school.   
Derek and I go to a private school on the east side of Bridgewood near  
where we live, so we often walked to school instead of getting a ride  
from Phillip. "I'll race you to the end of the street" I challenged Derek.   
He sighed but adjusted his books and said "alrightGO!" when we reached  
the end of the street we were both out of breath laughing. He had  
beaten me by a second. We calmed down by the time we got to school.   
Kids were all over the sprawling front yard of the school, I spotted my  
best friend Lindsey sitting by the fountain and dragged Derek over with  
me to say hi. "Happy birthday!!" she exclaimed when we she saw us. It  
was like that all during school, Derek and I were well known because of  
our father's job. When we got home we were sent up stairs to do our  
homework and to change out of our school clothes. Derek came into my  
room asking for help with his math, I took the sheet from him and  
showed him what to do, and handed him the science homework. For the  
life of me I couldn't understand that stuff. We finally finished and set all  
the books aside, as Greta kicked Derek out again to go get ready and set  
to work on me. I smiled into the mirror as I pulled on a white dress that  
flowed in silky waves. She put my hair up adorning it with baby's breath  
and stepped back to admire her work. Derek knocked on the door, I  
opened it with a huge grin. The door bell sounded as we made our way  
down stairs.   
The party was beautiful, the parlor was covered in roses and the furniture  
gleamed more the usual. We danced the night away till it was 1 in the  
morning and the last guest had left. Mother smiled at us "Off to bed with  
you two now" I frowned slightly I couldn't possibly sleep. "I want to  
keep dancing" I said spinning across the floor. Father picked me up like I  
was still a little child and carried me upstairs "ahh but you must princess"  
he set me on my bed and kissed my forehead leaving the room.   
  
August 10, 1898  
  
They're gone!! I'll never see them again, my mother and father are dead  
and so Is Derek, I don't know what I'm going to do, my family is gone,  
why didn't I go too, why am I still here? Why did god do this to me  
why??????  
  
The day started off same as any other weekend day. Derek and I slept  
late and went down to breakfast. Normally Mother and father were done  
by then as usual. We took our seats as Jorge, brought us our meals.   
Mother came out of the kitchen followed by Nancy the kitchen maid.   
Nancy was carrying a picnic basket and mother was talking to her  
briskly. "Have Phillip put it in the carriage Nancy dear, we'll be out  
shortly. "Good morning children" She said addressing Derek and me.   
"Good morning mother" we said. "What's going on?" Derek asked.   
Normally I'd be as curious as he was but I wasn't feeling very well at all.   
I pushed my plate away from me. "Your father is taking the day off,  
we're going on a picnic across the baywhy Ashli dear, whatever is the  
matter, your paler then a sheet." I felt hot and started to shake "I don't  
feel too well." I mumbled. Mother felt my forehead "My god your  
burning up, we best get you to bed." I tried to stand but was so woozy I  
almost fell over. "Charles get in here!" mother yelled to daddy, who came  
in, took one look at me and picked me up carrying me upstairs. I had a  
temperature of 103 and mother said that the picnic would have to be  
canceled. I hated to do that to Derek I knew how much he loves to go  
fishing with father in the bay. "You still go." I said "it'll only make me  
more upset if I make you guys miss out." Mother got that concerned  
look on her face. "We wouldn't think of it honey." Derek stood on the  
other side of the bed I turned to him. "Derek go, Greta can take care of  
me, pick me some of the tiger lilys so I can have them with me, you know  
they make me feel better and only grow on the other side of the bay." He  
looked at me and then at mother. "Please, go have fun for me." I said.  
So they went, leaving me with books and games I could do when I  
wasn't sleeping. They said they would be back by supper time, crossing  
the bay at night was a bad idea, there was this one area that was thinner  
and covered with sharp jagged rocks. You needed light to maneuver the  
boat through it safely. By 8:00 they weren't back yet, I was feeling a  
little better, Greta was convinced that it was just a 24 hour virus. By the  
time 8:30 rolled around I was feeling sicker then ever and it wasn't a  
virus. 9:00 I was beyond worried and petrified so against Greta's word, I  
got dressed and walked out by our side of the bay. I couldn't see  
anything and could only make out a small part of the island across the  
fog. "Where are they?" I asked myself. The night was cold and stormy  
fog covered every inch of ground around me. Thunder sounded and I  
watched the streak of lightening fly through the air. My family was out  
there somewhere. It started to pour as Greta came running out of the  
house yelling for me to get inside. I let her drag me in, my blonde hair  
matted in my head. I sneezed, and tried to cover it up but it didn't work.   
Greta drew me a hot bath and told me to stay there till I was warm  
again. I did as she said but it was 10:00 and my family still wasn't back.   
"they're probably hiding it out in a cave somewhere" Greta said  
reassuringly, Cosimano Bay Island was known for it's caves, and little  
waterfalls, so I nodded. Greta sent me to bed, knowing full well I  
wouldn't be able to sleep, but she said I could at least rest till we found  
out more. I really was tired and started dozing off and before I knew it I  
was asleep. A knock at the door woke me up. I looked out the window,  
it was still raining. I heard voices downstairs, sure it was my father I ran  
down the stairs stopping dead in my tracks when I saw a poliice officer  
standing there holding his hat in his hand with a sorrowful expression on  
his face. "I'm really very sorry it's a horrible loss to Bridgewater." And  
with that he left. Terrible loss? What loss? "what's he talking about?" I  
asked with a confused look, surely they weren't talking about my family.   
Jorge closed the door and looked at me slowly, tears glistened in his  
eyes. I shook my head no, It couldn't be, I wouldn't allow it. "Oh honey  
I'm so sorrythey got stuck in the fog, the boat went down in the rocky  
pass last night, they all drowned." I shook my head again "no, your lying  
to me, I know you are!" I ran from the room and out to the water it  
wasn't true, it couldn't be. And yet it was. And that's how I killed my  
family.  
  
They're funeral was held two days later in my back yard, Everyone from  
the town came, all with apologies and their sympathy, bringing food and  
flowers like any of it meant anything, my family was gone and they were  
bringing casserole like it would replace them. How much did they think  
one girl could eat all by herself. And that's what I was, alone.  
The sheriff who had found my families bodies was there too, he had a  
handful of tigerlillys that he said were in Derek's hand, trust Derek never  
to forget a promise. And then it was all over, the three Mahogany  
coffens were placed in the ground never to be seen again. Then there  
was only one question left, what happened to me?  
  
I wandered downstairs from my room in a daze of sorts, it seemed  
routine and that's all I have now. Some men were in a conversation in  
the sitting room when I walked in, I was used to strange men being in  
the house now, the last few days had been filled with strangers. "She  
has an uncle in New York that we could send word to." One said. "I  
don't know he's a bachelor and probably wouldn't have had much  
experience with little girls." Another threw in. I struggled to remember  
who I knew that lived in New York, I had been there once before when  
daddy brought me and Derek for our 12th birthdays. "It couldn't hurt to  
ask, Frank I believe his name is, Frank Burns." Mother's half brother, I  
remembered. I met him that one time in New York and didn't like him  
that much though we only saw him that once. "She has no other  
relatives that we know of, her grandparents died years ago and her  
parents had no siblings but Frank." The men looked at the guy who  
seemed to be in charge. "It's settled then, the child should be with her  
blood relative." I didn't like being talked about like I wasn't in the room  
but didn't say anything, instead I just went into the kitchen and sat down  
at the table. I wasn't eating much lately but I was hoping it would take  
my mind off going to New York. Two weeks later a telegram came saying  
to send me over, I was packed up and ready to go by the end of the day.  
I knew the lawyers and social service people just wanted to be rid of me  
and move on with the next case so I didn't take a long time saying good  
bye to everyone. Leaving Greta was the hardest. "I wish you could come  
live with me but they just wouldn't allow it." She said wiping a tear off  
her face. I nodded not knowing what to say. "You keep in touch  
though." I nodded again, the men at the door were getting impatient. I  
threw my arms around Greta "Goodbye, I love you." And then walked out  
the door and into the waiting carriage.   
  
We got on a train and rode first class to New York, stopping every once  
and awhile to change trains. Finally Mr. Carroll and I made it to the New  
York train station. While we waited for my luggage he explained to me  
how my finances would work. Since I was the only survivor of my family  
the money would be mine when I turned 15 till then the bank of  
california was holding it. They would use whatever nescessary to keep  
the house mine. Unless when I was 15 I decided to sell it, which I doubt  
will happen. I asked what happened to my parents and Derek's stuff and  
Mr. Carroll said it was all put into storage for now, our luggage came then  
we stopped talking. We pulled up at an apartment building in Queens,  
Mr. Carroll got my suitcases and walked me inside. We found Uncle  
Frank's apartment and knocked on the door. I knew from the moment he  
opened the door unshaven and dirty that this was going to be bad.   
  
"Huh wha? What do you want, I won't buy anything." The man at the  
door said moving to close the door. I shrunk back a little, the man was  
dressed in ripped clothes that had dirt streaks everywhere, his hair was a  
mess, and it looked like he hadn't shaved in a month, surely they weren't  
planning on leaving me alone with this man. "My name is Mr. Carroll sir,  
and this is your niece Ashli." Mr. Carroll said putting a hand on my  
shoulder and pulling me forward gently. I looked up at Uncle Frank in a  
mix of wonderment and horror. "What? Oh oh right, I thought that was  
Wednesday." He grumbled. "It is Wednesday." I said softly, I was  
imposing on this man, I wanted to go back to California immediately but  
Mr. Carroll's hand on my shoulder kept me firmly in place so running was  
not an option.  
Uncle Frank opened the door the rest of the way, unchaining the lock, and let us in to the dimly lit room. I gasped a little my room was bigger  
than the room we were standing in now and it was the main area. Mr.  
Carroll looked around, and clucked his tounge a little and looked for a  
moment like just maybe he would take me back with him. But his face  
clouded over and instead he mumbled "god go with you child." And left.   
I stood timidly by the door, "come here, get your bags, your not little  
miss rich anymore and I won't be cleaning up after you." He said. I did  
as he said. "Follow me, from now on, it's your responsibility to take care  
of the things around here, and you can start with dinner." He led me to a  
tiny room no bigger than the broom closet back home. "I eat at 7 o'clock  
exactly so get your crap unpacked and get working." I couldn't breath, I  
was in total shock "butbut I've never cooked before." I said shrinking  
back a little. "Learn." He said sharply before slamming the door shut. I  
fell back on the narrow bed, absorbing it all in what was I going to do?   
  
I know it's been months diary but I have no time to write anymore.   
Looking back now, I see that the first night was the easiest. What would  
I give to just have to do the cooking and cleaning now. Instead of being  
the free entertainment for anyone who comes along. A week after I first  
came to NY, I was settling into the pattern of NY time, and waking up at  
5:00 to make breakfast and clean the house. By the time I was done it  
was time for lunch. Frank only left once he ate lunch locking me in my  
room. He'd be gone for hours before coming back at 7:00 for his dinner  
often bringing friends with him, and always plenty of alcohol. He  
ordered me around, like a bar maid having me bring drink after drink till I  
thought there was no way I could walk anymore and I just prayed they'd  
pass out soon. But the drunker he got, the more violent, I had bruises up  
and down my arms from his deadly grips and punches. One day he lost a  
lot of money to someone in a poker game, he didn't have the money to  
pay, so the man said he'd take me for the night and that's how I became  
the whore of Queens.  
  
I pushed aside clothes in my dresser looking for something relatively  
clean but there was nothing. All my clothes were ripped and tattered,  
stained with alcohol and sizes too small. I sighed and just kept what I  
had on. "ASHLI!" Frank barked from the other room. I opened the door  
and shuffled out, my head down. 'Yes?" I asked, my blonde hair falling  
limply over my face. "Look at me when I'm talking to you." He snapped.   
I looked up, his eyes were the color of ice, fittingly describing his soul.   
"Get us some beer." I nodded and walked the few steps to the kitchen. I  
got the drinks and walked back out where Frank and some men were  
sitting around a table. I'd seen them all before, all except one. The new  
man stared at me making me feel uneasy, I shifted from foot to foot  
waiting to see what Frank would want next. The man picked up a piece  
of my hair fingering it, "you're a pretty one." He commented. He handed  
frank some money. "Right over there, first door." Frank said. I let the  
man drag me into the room, surprised at how jaded I had become, I knew  
what was going on but a few sharp blows from Frank told me there was  
nothing I could do about it, now I hardly cared.   
  
I'm pregnant, Frank is really mad about it too. Like it was my fault  
somehow. I started getting really sick in the mornings, Frank beat me  
something awful the first day for not getting up and having his breakfast  
made. The blood ran off my head from the bottle he hit me with. It got  
worse from there, I never thought it would hurt so much. I cried myself  
to sleep each night, having a child was supposed to be a happy good  
thing, instead I didn't even know whose it was. It wasn't fair, what had I  
done to deserve this.  
  
I walked into the kitchen holding my back, doubling over from the pain I  
grabbed onto the small table. Taking three eggs I made a mental note to  
remind Frank that we needed more. I fried the eggs, making coffee and  
toast at the same time and set it down on the table. I walked to the  
bottom floor and to the door smoothing my hair a little, fixing my apron  
over my stomach which was becoming rather big and looked down the  
street for a newsie to buy Frank's morning paper from. Normally the  
same one was by our apartment each day but he was no where in sight. I  
cursed, Frank would kill me if his paper wasn't waiting for him. I walked  
down the street a little in my bare feet having outgrown my shoes some  
time ago. Turning the corner I came face to face with a boy in a spotted  
shirt, red-ish suspenders, a cane and slingshot and the biggest smirk I've  
ever seen. "oh, excuse me." I muttered, his eyes captured my attention  
and I finally realized I was staring. I noticed the stack of papers under  
his arm. "Are you a newsie?" I asked. "No, I hold these for my health, of  
course I'm a newsie." He replied looking me up and down, raising an  
eyebrow. "A little young for that ain't you?" I grabbed a paper ignoring  
the question and gave him a penny. "I'se." he started before Frank  
approached us. "you little whore, I told you never to leave the house,  
what the hell are you doing?" he seethed all but dragging me back to the  
building. "Hey, what are you doing?!" The boy exclaimed following  
Frank. I shook my head at him, Frank would kill that boy happily. "She's  
crazy in the head, dangerous to be around." Frank said and slammed the  
door shut. The second we were alone in our apartment he back handed  
me so hard I was knocked out cold.  
  
He killed my baby. The only person I had in the world he took away from  
me.   
  
I had a boy, I named him Derek Anthony. The lady from next door came  
over to midwife. Frank told her I had run off and gotten married only to  
have my husband die a week later leaving me pregnant and the lady felt  
so bad she offered to help. I thought nothing would make up for the  
nine months of hell carrying him had been, but just holding him in my  
arms was enough. I couldn't get over how much he looked like my father  
and Derek. I guess I was drugged up because I had it in my mind that  
Frank didn't mind this anymore that he was as happy as I was. But that  
wasn't the case, as soon as Mrs. Simms left he took Derek from my arms.   
I was still in bed weak, and unable to move. I had lost a lot of blood and  
Mrs. Simms said it was a miracle that Derek and I both made it through it  
alive especially since I was still healing from "the accident that took your  
husbands life"   
"Where are you taking him?" I asked "What you didn't think I'd let you  
keep the brat did you?" he asked sneering. "Frank, what are you talking  
about, what are you going to do?" I asked panicking. "Don't worry about  
it." He snapped. "FRANK!" my voice shot up a few notes. "Where are you  
taking my baby?" He laughed, a pure evil laugh and left the room. I  
sobbed uncontrollably, hyperventilating.   
I slid off the bed and crawled to the kitchen, taking the knife I cut one  
wrist but fainted before I could cut the other.   
  
I woke up a few days later, not able to understand why I was still alive.   
Turns out Mrs. Simms came over to check on me and found me lying on  
the floor in a pool of blood. Frank came back and told her Derek had died  
and he had brought him to the doctors leaving me alone thinking I would  
be ok. I couldn't even cry any more, nothing was going my way.   
Something was nagging at my brain, today was something that used to  
be important. It finally came to me. It was my birthday.  
  
It was hard to believe that only a year a go I was still happy, surrounded  
by my family and friends and no one treated me badly. I closed my eyes  
willing myself to sink into my pillow and disappear. 15, I was supposed  
to be happy, and warm and safe at home. Not with an uncle who abused  
me, and was now dancing around in the living room already on his 8th  
drink because a letter came in the mail saying the Cosimano estate now  
belonged to me.   
  
Two weeks later things had changed, for Frank anyway. His clothes were  
all new, more people came over for longer times all new friends attracted  
by the money. One night after counting the money as he did every night  
he looked to me while I was cleaning off the table and snickered. "Just  
wait till I sell that house of yours, it should bring in a good amount." He  
locked the safe and reattached the key to his belt. "no" I whispered.   
"You can't, I won't let you." He looked at me like I was the dumbest  
person he'd ever seen. "You, little girl can't do anything to stop me." He  
turned to step into his room but stopped suddenly grabbing his arm. He  
fell to the floor his face twisted in pain. "Ashli, get help" He gasped. I  
started for the door and stopped turning on my heel. I had two options  
get help or take what belonged to me and get out. And When I thought  
about it, it wasn't really even a decision. I walked over to him, he was  
sweating bullets "why *pant* haven't you *gasp* gone yet?" he asked. I  
smiled sweetly half out of my mind but seeing things with clarity and  
took the key off his belt. "wha" he started but had a spasm and couldn't  
continue. I took the money and put it in a bag along with the official papers and walked towards the door again. "Youcan'tdothis" Frank  
gasped out. "You, uncle, can't do anything to stop me."   
  
I walked around New York City seeing things I've never seen before,  
enjoying the freedom. I had forgotten what it was like to be free. I had  
no idea where I was, or where I was going but I knew one thing: no one  
would ever hurt me again.   
  
I finally fell asleep on a statue of a man, I wouldn't know where I was  
even if it was light, but I didn't care. I woke up early and went into a  
store buying some stuff I'd been needing, including a bag to keep  
everything in. I needed a place to stay I knew that much. And in case  
Frank lived a place to hide. The first place he'd look would be California  
so I figured I'd be safest to stay in NY where he wouldn't be expecting  
me to go. I wandered over to a restaurant where I'd seen a lot of people  
going. Opening the door I stopped to take it all in. "Hey come on in, we  
don't bitewell not most of us anyway." A girl said with long brown hair  
and soft brown eyes smacking an Italian looking boy on the head. I  
looked around cautiously, I hadn't seen any of them before, and I prayed  
they didn't know me too. I stepped into the main part of the restaurant  
holding my head high. "Hey, I'm Patch!" the girl exclaimed. I panicked  
for a second trying to think of a name, then thought back to what my  
father used to say. "If you had it your way Ash every month would be  
July." "I'm July" I said shaking her hand. She introduced me to  
everyone, my head was spinning with names. "You becoming a newsie?"  
someone I think her name was Pigs asked. I thought about it, and  
nodded "it was my intention." I said still not willing to commit to  
friendship. She smiled. "Great you can stay with us girls at the lodging  
house!" I nodded and looked around at everyone trying to figure out if  
any of them were a threat. "That's a nice dress." Key said looking at it. I  
swallowed, I forgot newsies were supposed to be poor. "Yeah I found a  
few bucks the other day and decided to go shopping." I lied. "Wish I was  
that lucky" Jewel said smiling. A guy with dark hair, Bumlets I think, put  
his arm around her.  
The bell rang above the door and a boy with a cowboy hat and bandana  
came through the door. "Hey Cowboy look we got a new girl here."  
Patch's boyfriend Blink said. He stepped down "so we do, I'm Jack." He  
said spitting in his hand and holding it out. I'd seen newsies do this  
before outside Frank's window, I spit in my own hand. "July" I said  
shaking his hand. He had warm eyes that sparkled down at me. I cleared  
my throat and looked away. He grinned. "I'll show you to the lodging  
house."  
  
Selling papers is just about the hardest thing ever, how they do it every  
day is beyond me. By the third week I bought my papers and just threw  
them away. I didn't pair up with someone like everyone else did  
although a lot of them asked me to. I wasn't sure if Frank had died that  
night or not, till one day flipping through the paper I saw a single  
paragraph, not more than a few sentences, the headline read "Local  
Queens man, found dead in apartment." It was over, I was free, I  
couldn't believe it, but still I wasn't about to trust people I had just met.   
I think they were catching on to me after a month, Jack gave me weird  
looks over dinner, he was cute, and cocky and so sure of himself. I ignored him, trying to ignore the feelings I had for him sure they would  
go away, I would make them go away. But I couldn't make him go away  
and it was a problem.  
  
"Hey July" he called running over to me after I had bought my papers. I  
stopped walking letting him catch up. "Mush found a new girl, and is  
selling with her today, so I don't have a partner, wanna be mine?" he  
asked. I didn't want to seem rude, and I was more at ease with him then  
I was with most of the other guys so I smiled the best I could and  
nodded. We continued walking, not talking much. Every time he stopped  
to sell a paper I stuck a few of mine somewhere, only selling when  
someone asked for one. "Hey your pretty good" he said noticing my  
depleated stack. I nodded. "Did you do it back home?" he asked. I  
stopped, I couldn't let him ask questions, no one could know what I had  
been. "Uh, yeah.something like that." I said quickening my step.  
He caught up with me. "We have to bring you to meet Spot, he's the  
leader of Brooklyn." I nodded "whatever." We ran into Copper and Clink  
then, I acted happier than I really was to see them glad they showed up  
when they did. I had to say that out of all the newsies Copper and Clink  
made me laugh the most. "Hey July!" Copper yelled "We need your  
opinion, why is an orange called an orange but a banana isn't called a  
yellow?" Clink asked. I grinned "For the same reason no one calls a  
lemon yellow, there's too many, there is only one real orange fruit, all the  
rest are little oranges." Copper nodded. "Makes sense to me, what about  
tomatoes, why not red's?" "That's easy, tomatoes are redish orangeand  
orange is already taken, so they named it something completely  
different." Clink said. Jack looked at the three of us like we had 10 heads  
combined and shook his head. "I just don't get you guys" he muttered  
taking his hat off and scratching his head. "You're not supposed to."  
Copper said grinning. "Well anyway I'm bringing July to meet Spot, you  
guys wanna come?" he asked. "Sending the poor girl to her doom  
already? Have some compassion cowboy." Clink said. "What is this kid  
some sort of freakishly big person?" I asked. Copper and Clink  
snickered. "Not quite." I shrugged "than nothing to worry about, with a  
name like spot how bad could he be?" Jack didn't say anything, just  
started walking again, Copper and Clink following along with me.   
Never in my life have I ever met someone so..rude and cocky, so self  
arrogant. I could kill him and I just met the kid. But that's not the worst  
part, he's the kidthe kid from Queens that sold me the paper when I was  
still pregnant, and he recognized me. I can't let him know who I am and  
what I've done. I can't I'll do whatever it takes to keep him from  
knowing.  
  
We stepped onto the docks, slick with water from boys jumping in and  
out. I looked around looking for someone who looked dignified, or at  
least like a leader but saw no one. So imagine my surprise when Jack  
pointed out a skinny guy, only a few inches taller than me. "Him?" I  
asked holding back my laughter with difficulty. "Don't laugh" Jack  
warned. "Why is it a crime over here in Brooklyn?" I asked rolling my  
eyes. Jack sighed and walked me over to this so called leader. "Heya  
spot" he said spitting in his hand and holding it out. Spot turned and did  
the same, I almost choked when I saw his eyes, the same eyes that  
captured my attention months ago. My heart skipped a beat, my mouth  
went dry. "is July" Jack was saying. 'Please don't recognize me' I  
silently prayed all the while spitting and shaking. His eyes we're on me, I  
could feel his fiery gaze even though I was staring off into the distance.   
Jack kept talking but I couldn't hear anything. "So July." Spot started  
"Where ya from?" he knew, I could read it all over his face, he knew and  
he was going to use it to his advantage. "Boston." I answered, figuring I  
might as well play dumb about it. "Yeah? Is that so? I hear they have a  
lot of whores down there, that true?" I shrugged "Why would I know, I  
have no use for them, if you're so desperate, I suggest you pick someone  
in your own turf." He cocked an eyebrow. I cursed myself for getting  
bitchy, but I wasn't going to bow down to this arrogant, kid who looked  
like he hadn't been fed in months. "A little sure of ourselves are we?" he  
asked. Jack looked between us "do you two know each other?" I looked  
at Spot, it was his call, if he told I was prepared to deny (deny deny).   
"No, but listen Jacky" He said leading him a few feet away. I stood there  
fuming, he hadn't told Jack, which could only mean one thing-he was  
going to black mail me for everything I was worth. "I don't think she's  
the type of person you want to have around." He was saying. "But you  
don't know her, she's been with us for awhile and is catching on real  
quick" Jack said. I didn't miss the glare spot shot my way, one that could  
freeze hell over, and I hoped he got my look of victory. I had forgotten  
Copper and Clink were with me, they were talking to each other glancing  
between spot and I so rapidly I'm surprised they didn't throw up from  
motion sickness. "What are you" I started but Jack came over and took  
me by the arm leading me towards the bridge. "Come on you two." He said. Clink looked at Copper and they started their chatting again  
(because it never stops ya know *ducks*) I didn't know if I should say  
anything to Jack or not, I figured out pretty quickly he was mad about  
something Spot said but I couldn't hear most of their conversation.   
Finally a few minutes from Manhattan he said "Don't worry about Spot,  
he gets like that sometimes" I nodded, so he still hadn't told on me. I  
wanted to know what he was up to, what he had in mind so I could be  
prepared.   
  
The next few days we're a lot like the past weeks, except I found myself  
getting closer and closer to Jack. We sold together every day, he told me  
about Santa Fe and though the idea sounded ridiculous to me, who was I  
talk always dreaming of going back to California. He talked about the  
strike a lot, so proud they had beaten the mighty Pulitzer. I didn't tell  
him much of anything about me, when he asked I changed the subject. I  
still hate selling, and Jack finally noticed and even though he was  
suspicious about how I made my money didn't seem to care that much.   
He asked me out today, just out and asked while we were in Central Park  
selling to the rich crowd.   
  
I looked up at the sky shielding my eyes from the sun. "nice day" I said  
to no one in particular. Jack finished selling to a lady with a bird on her  
hat and answered me. "Yeah it is" he said. I could tell something was on  
his mind but didn't say anything. We kept walking a little ways before he  
just out and said it. "Will you be my girl?" I stopped in some sort of  
shock, thinking about what had happened to me, did I want to set myself  
up for something like that, I scolded myself in my mind, jack was  
different, Jack cared, and against everything I swore I wouldn't do, I  
nodded. "Yeah" I said with a grin. He smiled and things were the same  
but different.  
  
Spot wasn't happy to hear about Jack and me, and he came all the way  
out to Manhattan to tell him so. Jack said he didn't care what Spot  
thought of me and sent him on his way. I was scared of the way Spot  
was acting, still not sure if he was going to do something, but I didn't let  
on and just smiled triumphently when Jack stood up for me. I think Jack  
wants to smooth things over with him though, he asked me to help plan  
a surprise party for spots 16th birthday, like the kid wasn't already  
expecting one, being as full of himself as he is. But I agreed nevertheless  
figuring I didn't have anything to lose, and would get me out of selling  
for the next two weeks.  
  
"No way" I said shaking my head "I am not planning a party for that.that"  
I couldn't think of a word that was strong enough to say how I felt  
"that.thing" I finished. Jack gave me a pleading look "please." He  
begged, giving me the puppy dog eyes. I sighed in frustration "When's  
the mutt's birthday again?" Jack's eyes lit up, I was stuck now. I had  
two weeks to get things in order so I started enlisting a little help. I  
decided to have it a warehouse in the Bronx, getting him there by saying  
one of his guys was gonna fight a Bronx newsie. Tibby's was going to  
help supply food, with a donation by Denton of course. Medda would  
perform, at Jacks (and most of the other newsies) insistence.   
  
Spot entered the warehouse presumable totally unaware of what was  
going on, I still say he knew all along. It was a miserable day to say the  
least, I wanted to hurt myself for even agreeing to helping Jack,  
especially after what happened.  
  
Jack dragged me over to spot who stood surrounded by females of all  
sorts and sizes, he pushed through the crowed, making the noisy girls  
stand back. "Happy birthday spot" Jack said spit shaking with him. Spot  
leaned back on the table behind him, which was heaped with food and  
drinks, staring at me expectantly. I glared at him and looked away.   
Jack's hand on mine tightened as he gave me a warning look "happy  
birthday" I muttered cursing Jack a mile a minute in my mind. Spot's  
triumphant smirk made me want to claw his eyes out, I stood there my  
own eyes blazing with anger while jack babbled on. "You know July  
planned all this" he said. "Is dat so?" Spot asked studying me "yeah well  
any excuse for a party" I muttered trying to keep my temper. "Or in your  
case any excuse to get drunk." My mind went wild, all I wanted to do  
was kill him, jack finally realized that I was a few seconds away from  
killing his best friend and pulled my arm leading me a few yards away.  
"I hate him" I fumed "he's so full of himself and arrogant" Jack tried to  
shut me up, I was drawing quite a bit of attention to myself and finally I  
stalked out of the building.  
  
And if that wasn't bad enough, Patch came and told me that Jack had  
danced with some other girl the entire time after I left, the nerve!  
  
I was sitting in Central Park, more then anything I wanted to be by the  
ocean, but the nearest body of water was in Brooklyn and I wasn't going  
there. So I had to make due with grass and rocks. I was cooling down  
some, the hate now just smoldering embers. I heard someone approach  
but didn't turn to see who. The person sat next to me, placing their  
hands on their knees and looking at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I  
saw Patch. "Hey" I said figuring I had to talk sooner or later.   
"hi" she said softly and leaned back to rest on her elbows. "You alright?"   
I continued to stare at the rock in front of me "yeahwell no, he just gets  
me so mad, he thinks he's so great and can't deal with the fact that I  
won't bow down to him. He's obnoxious and rude, and pretentious I  
can't stand him!!" I blurted out. Patch nodded understandingly and put  
a hand on my arm. "He's not so bad when you get to know him." I  
whirled around to face her "fine take his side." I spat out standing up.   
She stood up and looked me square in the eye "don't be dumb I'm not  
taking his side and you know it." I nodded "I know I'm sorry, he just  
makes me so frustrated." I looked at Patch and could see there was  
something she wasn't telling me "what is it?" I asked. "It's about Jack"  
she started "after you lefthe danced with Shasta, the entire time they left  
together." The rage I felt bubbled up inside me again and I had to do all  
that I could not to let forth with every profanity I know. I bit back my  
anger, turned and walked back to the lodging house leaving Patch alone  
in the park.  
  
  
I fell alseep early that night before anyone had even gotten back, bitter  
tears rolled down my face as I wiped them away angrily. For the next  
few days I avoided Jack and Shasta until they cornered me leaving no  
escape.  
  
"July! We have to talk" Jack yelled out as I deliberatly ignored him and  
kept walking away from the distribution center. "July!" he yelled again. I  
picked up the pace a little but Jack ran and caught up pinning me against  
a building, Shasta in tow. "We have to talkto explain" he started. I  
glared at them bitterly "I think you've explained your selves well enough  
these last few days" I said in a cold voice. "We didn't mean for it to  
happen honest." Shasta said "It doesn't matter if you meant for it to  
happen or not, it did, your not who I thought you were and that's all  
there is to it" I snapped. She looked at me like I'd slapped her across the  
face "July" Jack tried again "be reasonable." My eyes narrowed "that's  
easy for you to say, fine you want reasonable, I hope you two are happy  
together, but don't come bitching to me Shasta when he leaves you for  
the next new girl who comes along." I pushed past them and stalked  
away, glad they didn't follow.  
  
So that was the end of that, life goes on. While I was going through this  
little love crisis I had ignored everything around me, so I was a little  
surprised when I found out that Tibbys was being shut down due to  
failing the health inspection. The newsies were all riled up about it too,  
supposedly the only way Tibbys would stay open is if Tibby himself could  
pay the fine. With his profits we doubted this would happen but the  
newsies were dead set on keeping the restaurant open.  
  
"Can't we sell extra or somethin' and help em out?" Boots asked. A few  
yeah's came from around the room. "How would a few extra cents help  
pay a fine dat big?" Jack asked shaking his head. I still wasn't on  
speaking terms with Jack or Shasta so I paid him no attention as more  
ideas were called out. After an hour of useless futile arguing nothing  
was decided as we all went our separate places. I headed for the bunkroom where Jewel, Copper, Clink, Cone, and West were sitting,  
discussing the best way to make money for Tibby. "What do you think  
Jules, sell extra or sell the stuff we don't need?" West asked. I shrugged  
"they both sound like bad ideas to me, why don't you get a job that will  
actually pay money, I'm sure Medda will hire you." They gave me  
shocked looks "as a waitress not a whore" I said rolling my eyes. Copper  
nodded "that might work." Clink hit her on the shoulder "you only wanna  
do it so you can meet guys." Copper grinned "I don't see you objecting  
to the idea." Jewel laughed at them, "you two have boyfriends  
remember, Jake and David those nice kids down stairs" "What's wrong  
with looking they'll just cheat on you anyway so look at is as a head  
start" I muttered. "I sense bitterness." Copper started. "Please save  
your psycho-babble for later, I have a headache" I begged. Copper  
grinned "ok, but I'll find you later, you can count on it." "grrrreat" I said  
with a grin lying down on my bunk and quickly falling asleep.  
  
So the fight to keep tibbys open kept on going strong, a few girls did get  
jobs at medda's working night hours. The guys got odd jobs around the  
city. I could have paid the fine but if just up and gave the man $500  
dollars my secret would be out and the last thing I wanted was for the  
newsies to know about my past. Because my past is dead just like most  
of theirs, something they'd rather forget so why bring up mine? I could  
give a anonyomous donation though and I did, if not to keep Tibby's  
open then to get everyone settled down again.   
  
  
  



End file.
